Can’t keep up the pace? Hope amidst burnout

February 20, 2020
0
Share

Isaac Hebden is a runner, but I’m his friend anyway.

The other day he told me this terrible story about a time he ran 12 miles in an unfamiliar neighborhood and decided it wasn’t far enough, so he swerved off his planned route with the intention of cutting back over to the area where his final destination waited.

When his new path didn’t allow for a cutback route, he just kept plodding away in the wrong direction, mile after mile. And you know what he finally did when he got tired enough? He stopped and called his wife to come bail him out.

  • Dr. Isaac Hebden at The Garden Coffee & Local Eats

I don’t know what it would be like to ever run that far, but I have a lot of experience traveling stubbornly in the wrong direction and hoping no one would notice I’m looking more and more ragged with each passing landmark.

Out of gas.

Out of water.

About to collapse.

Looking for any option other than admitting my need to be rescued …

• • •

Isaac Hebden is a pastor, and he’s a friend to people like me anyway.

Actually, he’s got a soft spot for the choose-your-own-adventure type. He’s traveled those roads himself.

Isaac likes a story told by Jesus about a young man who passionately pursued everything he wanted from life and ended up broke and desperate. And then Jesus delivers this epic line about what ended up being the turning point for this guy: “When he finally came to his senses.”

This guy is best known as the Prodigal Son (not to be confused with the crime drama Mondays on FOX), and I can relate to him. A few years back I was doing the whole have-and-eat cakewalk. I worked crazy hours trying to tame a beast of a business that was actually slaying me. Along the way, I kept believing I could be a first-rate husband, father and friend without changing a thing about my life. What I was really doing was running scared in the wrong direction, lying to myself that my lucky break was just around the bend.

Can you relate? Ever come up with a recipe for Awesome Sauce that ended up tasting like Awful Sauce — and served it anyway? Ever realized you’re at the end of your rope — and kept reaching anyway? Ever been exposed and made up a face-saving narrative — what’s the point of vulnerability, anyway?

Isaac was one of the people who helped me with that whole “finally come to my senses” thing. It was good to have friends nearby, because let’s be honest: This is brutal.

“There is a moment where you have an awakening where you realize, ‘I’m not the person I thought I was, and I can either do something about it or put my head down and keep running,’” Isaac said. “How many people put their head down and keep running because it’s painful to look around and say, ‘Have I been on the wrong road all along?’ Who wants to do that?”

If you find yourself at such a crossroads, may the good Lord give you a friend like Isaac, someone who has been there, done that, and lived to write 48,000 words about it.

• • •

Isaac Hebden is a doctor, but for now he has agreed to be my friend anyway.

All those words were for a dissertation he wrote last year en route to achieving his doctoral status. The dissertation examined the prominence of pastoral burnout and strategies toward a more holistic, emotionally healthy approach.

For Isaac, it was a timely project, seeing as how the longtime associate pastor at his Spokane Valley church, The Intersection, was recently named the new lead pastor.

That’s not to say the conclusions he reached are only for pastors. After all, the symptoms he was describing — emotional fatigue, disillusionment, exhaustion, self-deception — cross vocational lines. Isaac said the solutions, while drawn from the life and teachings of Jesus of Nazareth, work both inside and outside the church.

“We just believe that the principles Jesus lives by and teaches will make your life better, so if you don’t even believe in Jesus, try the principles and see if it works,” he said.

• • •

Isaac Hebden is a human being, and that’s more important than his resume.

Yes, he can run for days, pastors a church and has earned a doctorate, but his research — and his experience — has taught him that Jesus didn’t accomplish all kinds of things in order to form his identity, but the other way around.

“Jesus was clear on his purpose and his identity, and out of that he was able to do things of significance, and from there it was fruitful,” Isaac said. “We try to make fruit and then become significant. … We do things in order to be accepted, and so it’s backwards.”

So how do we find peace in our own skin without having to put on another exhausting show for acceptance? Isaac encourages people to go on a journey of building self-awareness and implementing practices of “being.”

Whether you follow Jesus or not, tools like the Enneagram can help you better understand your makeup and lead you on a pathway to more holistic health, Isaac suggested, adding that self-awareness is aided by community and humility.

Isaac recommends surrounding yourself with people who will tell you the truth in love, and then actually listening to them instead of playing the role of defense attorney.

“There is a required amount of humility that one has to have (for) self-awareness,” he said. “Those people who do not ask for help and don’t want to be in community, who aren’t willing to listen, they will end up in trouble.”

After vulnerability paves the road for greater self-awareness, Jesus modeled a set of practices that are more about personal growth than showy accomplishments. Examples include celebration, community and quiet solitude, among others. He said that last one is particularly rare in our plugged-in, distraction-rich culture. Contrary to popular opinion, you don’t have to be a monk to practice solitude. Isaac said even successful CEOs are known to start their day in stillness and quiet.

“Silence reminds me that I’m not in control, that there are other things beyond me,” he said. “What is devalued unintentionally (by our culture) is the idea of being. … So to just sit and not do anything is so counterintuitive to what we think is beneficial, but perhaps it’s the most beneficial 15 minutes of the day.”

Whether it’s embracing the quiet, a heartfelt visit with a friend or pausing to celebrate, the theme of many Jesus practices is simply slowing down. Isaac said this helps people feel more integrated, more whole, more healthy.

“The best that I can bring into any situation is the healthiest me, which requires some self-reflection,” he said.

One good thing about “finally coming to your senses”? The “doing” path is shown for what it really is — exhausting, unhealthy and ultimately unfulfilling.

“Everybody has some specific identity; every person has intrinsic value,” he said. “The difficulty for each person is to get off the treadmill, look around and see who you really are.”

Connect with Isaac Hebden at The Intersection Church, 905 N. McDonald Road in Spokane Valley or reach him at ihebden@theintersection.info.

Coffee Notes

Isaac and I met for this conversation at The Garden Café & Local Eats in Spokane Valley. Isaac’s go-to order is an Americano. Before I realized Isaac had secretly arranged to put my order on his tab, I went for an oat milk latte and — why not? — a bowl of chicken tortilla soup. Man, it was delicious. Thanks, bro!

  • Thanks for the coffee, the soup and for letting me read your dissertation, glimpses of which I recognized from the many times you have spoken into my life over 25-plus years of friendship. I’m blessed.
    — Josh Johnson (soccer jersey: Tooro United F.C. of the Uganda Premier League)

While you’re here, would you do me a favor?

If you enjoy articles like this one, join the CoffeeJosh mailing list. It’s hurry-free, spam-free and also free … free. As a thanks, I’ll send you a PDF — you guessed it, free — that has 10 of the best coffee shop orders in the Spokane area. (All 10 are drinks and treats local coffee shop owners make for themselves. In this case, expect to pay for your order and feel like it was totally worth it.)

Related Posts

Love yourself first

March 19, 2020
2

Guest post by Kylie Johnson

“Before I love someone else, I’ve got to love myself.” Recognize that line from the song “Save Myself” by Ed Sheeran? Or maybe you have heard “Lose You To Love Me” by Selena Gomez? Those two songs talk about loving yourself before you get into a romantic relationship.

But how do I love myself, and why is it important to love yourself before going into a relationship? Like a lot of teens, I have questions on this topic, so I decided to invite my crazily artistic, fun-loving and beautiful aunt to coffee to talk about it.

Hannah Johnson has an undergraduate degree in psychology and was recently accepted into Gonzaga to pursue a masters in school counseling and become a licensed professional counselor. We decided to go to The Garden Coffee and Local Eats, and she brought along her 5-year-old son, Oakley, who was kind enough to take our picture for this story. The coffee was so good! I was trying hard to focus on the subject at hand, but my mind would go back to my delicious blended mocha.

Hannah wisely approached this subject with a definition.

”I think it’s important to define self love as valuing yourself as a whole and having confidence in who you are; it’s important to recognize that it’s different from simply comparing yourself to others or being self-focused,” she said. “Some people think it’s narcissistic, but it’s really just having a value of yourself and where you’re at. Self love is just a healthy view of yourself; it’s healthy for everybody.” 

  • Hannah Johnson and Kylie Johnson enjoy chilly beverages and meaningful conversation at The Garden Coffee and Local Eats (prior to recent COVID-19 restrictions). Photo credit: Oakley Johnson, 5-year-old master photographer

How could I build my self love? Like a lot of people, I can be pretty hard on myself, and I could work on building my self-compassion. Hannah gave multiple great points, such as following positive accounts on Instagram, doing fun leisure activities and building social connections. 

“Your peers can influence you even more than a trusted adult, parent or guardian,” she said. “If your peers are not boosting your self-esteem, then you need to notice that and maybe put some distance there.” 

What does self love look like when you’re ready to go into a romantic relationship? Hannah listed three areas to get right first. The first one is self kindness; don’t criticize yourself for your flaws. Then you need to realize your common humanity, which is that everyone makes mistakes and acknowledging the weaknesses you have makes you human. The final step is mindfulness, which is to be aware of negative self talk. All of us can grow in an area or two, but that’s no reason to beat yourself up about it.

Wait … if you don’t love yourself and you dive into a romantic relationship, is that really a bad thing? How would it affect the relationship? Would it affect the relationship? 

”It can totally affect your relationship because if you don’t recognize your own self worth then you can begin to expect others to fill that hole,” she said. “You also won’t be able to protect yourself and stand up for yourself in tough situations.” 

“Some people think it’s narcissistic, but it’s really just having a value of yourself and where you’re at. Self love is just a healthy view of yourself; it’s healthy for everybody.” 

Hannah Johnson

Hannah also said that if your self love is at an unhealthy spot it will negatively affect both sides of the relationship. One person will need to take more than they can give, which is exhausting for both people.

That makes sense, but what should I do if I’m in a relationship when one person does not have a healthy amount of self love? Hannah suggested that in these seasons, the healthier partner needs to have sensitivity and awareness and help the other person practice self love. Self love isn’t going to be natural for everybody. If it’s at a really unhealthy point, then you may need to break it off and give them time to focus on themselves. If they are hurting themselves, then it will be harder but still be the right thing to do.

”In the end, everyone is responsible for their own actions,” Hannah said. 

If you need to work on self love and you’re in a romantic relationship, you need to realize that it’s not selfish to take time to yourself and break it off, if that’s what you feel like you need to do. You should know that it’s not the other person’s responsibility to carry your negative self talk burden and that you can’t rely on them to feel good. In either situation, it’s never bad to go and talk to a counselor or someone you trust so they can give you input.

Hannah and I sure had some deep conversations about this topic while little Oakley played on his tablet and my phone. Our drinks were amazing, and I absolutely loved the vibe and atmosphere of The Garden. It was a great place to just share a treat with a loved one and talk. I learned so much more about this topic because of Hannah and give her much thanks. I’m glad I could show myself a little love with the blended mocha and whether it’s with a coffee or just giving myself grace, I think I’m going to start treating myself more often.

Guest contributor Kylie Johnson is a freshman at Mica Peak High School in Spokane Valley. She drinks blended mochas, eats ice cream by the pint and plans to marry Five Seconds of Summer drummer Ashton Irwin. Until they get the chance to actually meet, she is focusing on self-compassion.

While you’re here, would you do me a favor?

If you enjoy articles like this one, join the CoffeeJosh mailing list. It’s hurry-free, spam-free and also free … free. As a thanks, I’ll send you a PDF — you guessed it, free — that has 10 of the best coffee shop orders in the Spokane area. (All 10 are drinks and treats local coffee shop owners make for themselves. In this case, expect to pay for your order and feel like it was totally worth it.)

Katherine’s Final Four of Gonzaga life lessons

March 5, 2020
2

A gust of palpably positive energy sweeps into Indaba, swirling into the espresso air to create something of a blissfully caffeinated breeze.

Most eyes look up. As the door closes, there stands a woman clad in stylish jacket, hat and scarf, confidently beaming at everyone in the room like a Spokane Mary Poppins. As she makes her way to the counter, she greets half of the patrons by name before ordering a spicy chai tea. The barista straightens, seemingly inspired to give this his best 8 ounces of the day, and now she is introducing me to the guy working at the backbar who is “just the best.”

In preparing for this interview, I reminded myself of this happy whirlwind that is Katherine Morgan. I was on the Spokane Valley Chamber of Commerce selection committee that hired her to become its president and CEO in 2014, and I witnessed firsthand the force of enthusiastic will that helped that organization thrive during her tenure. For the past two years, she has served as senior vice president and Spokane/Boise market manager with Bank of America.

But on this day, I’m here because it’s Zag-uary, those months when Spokane exorcizes its gray days with basketball nights, and I know of no bigger Gonzaga fan than Katherine. She received a business administration degree from GU in 2006 and was Outstanding MBA Student of the Year while earning her graduate degree in 2014. She was a Kennel Club member then and is an occasional adjunct marketing professor now. She leaves space in her schedule each March for every possible Gonzaga tournament variable.

With Katherine, there is purpose behind everything. She is no frivolous fangirl, and I ask her for a glimpse at the deeper reasons behind her passion for all things Zag.

  • Katherine Morgan at Indaba’s downtown shop on Riverside

In typical fashion, she responds with a “Final Four” — a quartet of the best life lessons she carries with her as a proud Bulldog.

No. 1: “Have faith”

For Katherine, the link between faith and Gonzaga goes beyond a Jesuit tradition but lies in the values and purposes that make up one’s identity – truly a faith or belief in one’s self.

A huge fan of men’s basketball coach Mark Few, she pointed to his halftime talk on Feb. 20, when Gonzaga scored a paltry 22 first-half points against San Francisco.

“What did Coach Few say in the locker room?” Katherine recalled. “That’s an opportunity he could have just ripped into them. But instead he kept it simple, and he said, ‘Be us. Be us.’ That really caught me off guard because he articulated in two words one of the most important lessons in my own life. Those moments we begin to compromise or take our eye off of who we are or try to be someone we’re not is the times we will never win.”

Gonzaga scored 49 second-half points and won by 17 — which is great, but how is Katherine able to locate and flip that “be us” switch in her everyday life?

“I have never been able to do it on my own,” Katherine said. “I have had a handful — a very, very close circle — of people that stood alongside me in those dark moments, that would take the call, that would remind me who I am. … In my own way, I feel that close circle is my own little Zag Nation. I’m sure the parallels are there for everyone. I think we all have our, quote, fan club who is going to be real for us and help us get out of those moments, help remind us who we are.”

  • Katherine Morgan at a recent GU game in Spokane

No. 2: “Put in the work”

With 21 consecutive NCAA Tournament appearances and five consecutive Sweet 16s (the longest active streak in the country), Gonzaga has become a model of consistency. Katherine said what’s often overlooked is the work required for such lofty achievements.

“It’s a reminder for me, for those days when I’m in the arena, did I do the work?” she said. “Have I remained disciplined, because it’s going to show if I did or if I didn’t. Gonzaga has shown day in, day out, season after season, that they show up and they get it done every single time because they do the work, unwaveringly, every single day.”

The tough part, of course, is in actually pulling this level of execution off on those days it’s the last thing you want to do.

“Put your shoes on and take that first step whether you want to or not,” she coaches. “I go back to my ‘why.’ What am I trying to achieve here? Why did I accept this role? What’s the greater purpose this team is trying to accomplish? And lace up, get outside and start walking. And eventually, I’ll start to run.”

Oh, and don’t forget about your people.

“In those times I’m vulnerable, I go back to my tribe,” she said. “(When I) come alongside others, eventually that motivation comes, and then I’m unstoppable.”

  • Attending the 2017 Final Four in Phoenix

No. 3: “Know who you are”

Katherine admires the way Coach Few builds self-awareness in his players and helps them see how their individual role fits into the greater team.  

“Every team is different, and every individual on those teams brings forth different gifts, different purpose, different drive and desire,” she said. “If you really take the time to acknowledge that and understand that and listen, it’s amazing the magic that happens.”

She said early in her career, it was tempting to make the mistake that to interview for a job meant to pretend like “I had it all figured out,” as if she could expect to expertly guard the 3-point shooter and block out the big man on the paint in the same play.

“I quickly learned, and how very Shakespeare: ‘All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players,’” said Katherine, quoting “As You Like It.” “I was happier when I was brought onto teams when they knew exactly who I was and where my abilities were.”

“Every team is different, and every individual on those teams brings forth different gifts, different purpose, different drive and desire. If you really take the time to acknowledge that and understand that and listen, it’s amazing the magic that happens.”

Katherine Morgan

So, for instance, when she interviewed at Bank of America she didn’t pretend to have financial industry expertise and experience. With the Chamber, she didn’t gloss over her then lack of executive experience.

“(It was about) really just owning where I’m at: This is what I’m wanting to do and what I’m willing to do if I’m supposed to be the next person to fill the role,” she said. “And that taught me that it was OK to be myself and be comfortable in my skin.”

No. 4: “Never give up”

Last March, Gonzaga bowed out of the Elite Eight to Texas Tech. In that final game of the season, only 3 of Gonzaga’s 69 points were scored by players who are back fighting for another deep run in 2020.

Katherine finds this type of personnel turnover from year to year a testament to the power of resiliency.

“I know we’ve all faced those seasons where we’ve tried and tried again and gotten so close to, as some might say, capturing the gold ring,” she said. “It can certainly be discouraging, sometimes causing yourself to question why you are even trying and if it’s worth it again.”

She said she has taken inspiration in her own professional career from the way Gonzaga recommits to excellence after each season.

“I’ve been in roles I have loved and been so honored to serve in, (a part of) teams that were magical,” she said. “To hope to make that transition to the next chapter for all the right reasons can be very difficult and emotional and discouraging.”

And then she remembers that Coach Few got up the morning after losing the 2017 National Championship game and started working on reaching even greater heights the next season.

“You’re going to try and try again, because that’s your why, that’s your purpose — it’s who you are,” Katherine said. “That’s what Bulldogs do. When the world zigs, we Zag.”

Coffee Notes

Katherine and I met for this conversation at Indaba Coffee‘s Riverside location in downtown Spokane, one of Katherine’s go-to spots within walking distance of her Bank of America office. Indaba’s “Love People, Love Coffee” motto is a great match for Katherine’s longtime investment and interaction in the greater Spokane community.

  • Thanks for sharing time over coffee and your always upbeat insight, Katherine. You serve the world around you — and represent GU — with class.
    — Josh Johnson (soccer jersey: Orlando City SC)

While you’re here, would you do me a favor?

If you enjoy articles like this one, join the CoffeeJosh mailing list. It’s hurry-free, spam-free and also free … free. As a thanks, I’ll send you a PDF — you guessed it, free — that has 10 of the best coffee shop orders in the Spokane area. (All 10 are drinks and treats local coffee shop owners make for themselves. In this case, expect to pay for your order and feel like it was totally worth it.)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

© 2020 Peridot Publishing. All Rights Reserved.

Newsletter Subscribe