Love yourself first

March 19, 2020
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Guest post by Kylie Johnson

“Before I love someone else, I’ve got to love myself.” Recognize that line from the song “Save Myself” by Ed Sheeran? Or maybe you have heard “Lose You To Love Me” by Selena Gomez? Those two songs talk about loving yourself before you get into a romantic relationship.

But how do I love myself, and why is it important to love yourself before going into a relationship? Like a lot of teens, I have questions on this topic, so I decided to invite my crazily artistic, fun-loving and beautiful aunt to coffee to talk about it.

Hannah Johnson has an undergraduate degree in psychology and was recently accepted into Gonzaga to pursue a masters in school counseling and become a licensed professional counselor. We decided to go to The Garden Coffee and Local Eats, and she brought along her 5-year-old son, Oakley, who was kind enough to take our picture for this story. The coffee was so good! I was trying hard to focus on the subject at hand, but my mind would go back to my delicious blended mocha.

Hannah wisely approached this subject with a definition.

”I think it’s important to define self love as valuing yourself as a whole and having confidence in who you are; it’s important to recognize that it’s different from simply comparing yourself to others or being self-focused,” she said. “Some people think it’s narcissistic, but it’s really just having a value of yourself and where you’re at. Self love is just a healthy view of yourself; it’s healthy for everybody.” 

  • Hannah Johnson and Kylie Johnson enjoy chilly beverages and meaningful conversation at The Garden Coffee and Local Eats (prior to recent COVID-19 restrictions). Photo credit: Oakley Johnson, 5-year-old master photographer

How could I build my self love? Like a lot of people, I can be pretty hard on myself, and I could work on building my self-compassion. Hannah gave multiple great points, such as following positive accounts on Instagram, doing fun leisure activities and building social connections. 

“Your peers can influence you even more than a trusted adult, parent or guardian,” she said. “If your peers are not boosting your self-esteem, then you need to notice that and maybe put some distance there.” 

What does self love look like when you’re ready to go into a romantic relationship? Hannah listed three areas to get right first. The first one is self kindness; don’t criticize yourself for your flaws. Then you need to realize your common humanity, which is that everyone makes mistakes and acknowledging the weaknesses you have makes you human. The final step is mindfulness, which is to be aware of negative self talk. All of us can grow in an area or two, but that’s no reason to beat yourself up about it.

Wait … if you don’t love yourself and you dive into a romantic relationship, is that really a bad thing? How would it affect the relationship? Would it affect the relationship? 

”It can totally affect your relationship because if you don’t recognize your own self worth then you can begin to expect others to fill that hole,” she said. “You also won’t be able to protect yourself and stand up for yourself in tough situations.” 

“Some people think it’s narcissistic, but it’s really just having a value of yourself and where you’re at. Self love is just a healthy view of yourself; it’s healthy for everybody.” 

Hannah Johnson

Hannah also said that if your self love is at an unhealthy spot it will negatively affect both sides of the relationship. One person will need to take more than they can give, which is exhausting for both people.

That makes sense, but what should I do if I’m in a relationship when one person does not have a healthy amount of self love? Hannah suggested that in these seasons, the healthier partner needs to have sensitivity and awareness and help the other person practice self love. Self love isn’t going to be natural for everybody. If it’s at a really unhealthy point, then you may need to break it off and give them time to focus on themselves. If they are hurting themselves, then it will be harder but still be the right thing to do.

”In the end, everyone is responsible for their own actions,” Hannah said. 

If you need to work on self love and you’re in a romantic relationship, you need to realize that it’s not selfish to take time to yourself and break it off, if that’s what you feel like you need to do. You should know that it’s not the other person’s responsibility to carry your negative self talk burden and that you can’t rely on them to feel good. In either situation, it’s never bad to go and talk to a counselor or someone you trust so they can give you input.

Hannah and I sure had some deep conversations about this topic while little Oakley played on his tablet and my phone. Our drinks were amazing, and I absolutely loved the vibe and atmosphere of The Garden. It was a great place to just share a treat with a loved one and talk. I learned so much more about this topic because of Hannah and give her much thanks. I’m glad I could show myself a little love with the blended mocha and whether it’s with a coffee or just giving myself grace, I think I’m going to start treating myself more often.

Guest contributor Kylie Johnson is a freshman at Mica Peak High School in Spokane Valley. She drinks blended mochas, eats ice cream by the pint and plans to marry Five Seconds of Summer drummer Ashton Irwin. Until they get the chance to actually meet, she is focusing on self-compassion.

While you’re here, would you do me a favor?

If you enjoy articles like this one, join the CoffeeJosh mailing list. It’s hurry-free, spam-free and also free … free. As a thanks, I’ll send you a PDF — you guessed it, free — that has 10 of the best coffee shop orders in the Spokane area. (All 10 are drinks and treats local coffee shop owners make for themselves. In this case, expect to pay for your order and feel like it was totally worth it.)

Related Posts

5 spectacular hikes that may be closer than your gym

February 6, 2020
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Rob Fischer has hiked throughout the West, from the Grand Canyon to the Chugach Mountains of Alaska. But the Spokane Valley resident hikes three to five times a week year-round, so his go-to trailheads are about as close as the nearest health club.

“I love being outdoors,” Rob said. “I’ve never been a gym person. I’d rather endure the elements any day, so I can go rain or shine.”

Here are five of Rob’s recommendations from his rotation, all located within the greater Spokane Valley.

  • Looking south over the Palouse from the Rocks of Sharon on the Iller Creek hike

1. Iller Creek

Rob says: “Iller Creek is one of my favorite places right now. The reason is there is such a huge network of trails there. I typically hike either a 4-mile loop or a 5-mile loop, and they both have different challenges. The 4-mile loop is actually steeper and has higher elevation gain than the 5-mile one, and the 5-mile one I can stretch to 6 if I want to.”

Among the highlights, Rob says the Iller Creek hiker is rewarded with a spectacular view of the Palouse on the 5-mile hike at the Rocks of Sharon (also known as Big Rocks). The hike also offers great signage, occasional wildlife sightings and the option for a beautiful out-and-back walk along the creek for less ambitious hikers.

Iller Creek is part of the Dishman Hills Conservation Area. The trailhead is in southwest Spokane Valley (Ponderosa area) at the end of Holman Road. The Rocks of Sharon can also be accessed from the south via the Stevens Creek Trailhead on the Palouse side.

  • Iller Creek, May 2019
  • Porcupine spotted at Iller Creek, Summer 2019

2. Liberty Lake Loop Trail

Rob says: “There’s several neat features on that trail. It starts out low along the creek and follows it upward and pretty soon you come to a stand of cedars. The hike up to the cedars is not difficult, and a lot of people choose to turn around there and just go back the same way. If you keep going, you get on some switchbacks, the trail narrows, and you begin to get some views, at one point looking back at Liberty Lake.”

Hikers who take on the full 8.4-mile loop are rewarded with a waterfall in the spring, trails veering off toward Mica Peak and other destinations for experienced hikers, as well as a Boy Scout shelter, Rob says.

The trailhead is accessed from Liberty Lake Regional Park on the southeast side of Liberty Lake.

3. Dishman Hills Natural Area

Rob says: “Definitely more for someone who is not an aggressive hiker would be the Dishman Hills. … The trails are not well marked, but it’s fairly contained. … My wife asked once, ‘Are we lost?’ And I said, ‘We’re not lost. I just don’t know where I am.’ And we always get out. … Dishman Hills is quite extensive, and there are some pretty hikes in there.”

Reviewers of Dishman Hills Natural Area (which, along with Iller Creek, is part of the broader Dishman Hills Conservation Area) tend to like the family friendliness and accessibility of the 530-acre natural area.

The trailhead is probably the easiest to find in the area, located on high-traffic Appleway Avenue just west of Argonne.

My wife asked once, ‘Are we lost?’ And I said, ‘We’re not lost. I just don’t know where I am.’

Rob Fischer

4. Saltese Uplands

Rob says: “You’ve got your choice of some good elevation gain on this hike or none at all. … It’s not a good hike in the heat of summer because you’re so exposed, and if there is any wind, it’s going to be windy on that hike, but the advantage of that place is that because it’s so exposed, the trails dry out faster.”

Because of this, Rob trends toward early spring hikes on Saltese Uplands, when many other trails – “especially Iller Creek” – can be incredibly muddy. In all, 7 miles of trails cross the property, including a 3.6-mile loop known for wildflowers and views of the Saltese Valley and Liberty Lake.

The well-marked trailhead is accessed from Henry Road southeast of Greenacres.

  • Mushrooms breaking through on Antoine Peak
  • Bear tracks on Antoine Peak
  • Antoine Peak looking east

5. Antoine Peak

Rob says: “On Antoine Peak you have a lot of choices. There’s a nice 5-mile loop that I would usually take, and you can extend it to 6 miles by adding a side trail to it. But there’s also a very moderate 3-mile loop that’s fun that my wife likes to go on with me as well.”

Part of the choices provided by this 1,066-acre conservation area is where to launch out from, as two trailhead choices are offered, one approaching Antoine Peak from the west; the other from the east. Rob prefers the eastern launching point. He has seen moose as well as a rare elk sighting while hiking through this area.

Rob’s preferred trailhead can be accessed from Otis Orchards by heading north on Campbell from Trent and turning left on Lincoln.

Two Bonus Hikes!

Have time and ambition for more challenging hikes outside of Spokane Valley? Rob has two recommendations for you: Mount Spokane State Park (especially the Mount Kit Carson Trail) and the Scotchman Peak Trail, about a 2-hour drive away near Clark Fork, Idaho.

  • Mountain goat on Scotchman Peak
  • Wild Ginger on Mount Spokane

Rob’s hiking tips

An author of more than 20 books, Rob even wrote a memoir of his childhood adventures — mostly set outdoors in Minnesota — called “Becoming Tarzan.”

Interestingly, Rob, who turns 68 in 2020, has always loved life outdoors, but didn’t become an avid hiker until a repetitive motion injury forced him to hang up his running shoes after 30 years.

Looking for an outdoor workout, he took up hiking and never looked back. Thinking of giving hiking a shot yourself, or simply want to improve your hiking experience? Here are four tips to make the most of the experience.

Invest in good equipment: If you are going to make hiking a year-round lifestyle, the equipment is worth the investment, Rob says. Outdoor clothing, good boots with ICEtrekkers (like tire chains for your boots to use in slippery conditions) and trekking poles are all parts of Rob’s ensemble. He said the poles are more for an improved workout than for balance. “It really pays to get good equipment,” he says.

Bring a friend: While Rob normally hikes alone, some of his best memories are spent “rousing another guy” on a weekend, whether it’s to invest in a young person or challenge a “Comrade in Arms,” which is the title of a book Rob wrote about friendship and accountability among Christian men. “The reason I love to disciple men out on the trail like that is they feel the freedom to be transparent out there,” he says. A hike is a majestic setting for conversation, escaping surface issues and opening a gateway toward meaningful interaction.

Fearful? Go when there’s a crowd: In all of the places he has hiked, Rob has had his share of wildlife encounters, including the time in Alaska when he made for a tree to avoid a testy moose. “But that’s so rare, and I’ve never felt endangered by a moose around here,” he says. He does take precautions — carrying water, his pocket knife and bear spray on every hike — but the best option for people who want to hike but feel fearful is to explore the nearby trails “when you know other people will be there. A Saturday mid-morning, all of those trails are going to be well used, almost under any conditions. During the week, probably in the afternoon you’re going to run into other people.”

Take out the ear buds: “I love music,” Rob says, “but I don’t need to listen while I’m out there.” Not only does he prefer to stay keenly aware of his surroundings, listening for other hikers and wildlife, but he believes hiking isn’t just a visually stunning experience (the wildflowers, the animals, the scenery), but it’s best experienced by all of his senses. One autumn Alaskan hike in particular stands out: brilliant colors, “the air permeated by the sweet scent of berries, and … it was almost like you could hear the fog, but I think what was happening was fog has the ability to deaden sounds, and I think what I was hearing was the deadening of all sound. It was just an exhilarating experience.”

  • Rob Fischer on the summit of Mount Adams

Rob Fischer has been married to Linda Fischer for more than 45 years and has three married children and 10 grandchildren. An author, publisher and writing coach, follow his work at fischerpublishing.net and check out his blog at skillsforfollowingjesus.com. All photos courtesy of Rob Fischer.

Coffee Notes

For this conversation, Rob chose the meeting point, and since I was adamant about staying indoors at a coffee shop, Forza Coffee Company, 325 S. Sullivan Road in Spokane Valley, was the next best thing. Why? The firepit, which coupled with an oat milk latte to keep me warm during Rob’s stories of icy hikes.

  • Rob, I look up to you as a writer, and more importantly as a man I truly admire. Thanks for sharing your hiking wisdom for this project and inspiring me to explore the Inland Northwest’s backyard.
    — Josh Johnson (soccer jersey: Uganda National Team)

While you’re here, would you do me a favor?

If you enjoy articles like this one, join the CoffeeJosh mailing list. It’s hurry-free, spam-free and also free … free. As a thanks, I’ll send you a PDF — you guessed it, free — that has 10 of the best coffee shop orders in the Spokane area. (All 10 are drinks and treats local coffee shop owners make for themselves. In this case, expect to pay for your order and feel like it was totally worth it.)

Three questions to ask your coffee

January 9, 2020
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Insight from Gonzaga’s ‘Coffee Professor’

Professor Stacy Taninchev would love to talk to you about your cup of coffee. No, not about latte art or that crazy-amazing cappuccino that made your week — though as a former Liberty Lake coffee shop owner she would be all ears.  

  • Professor Stacy Taninchev

Rather, Taninchev has a penchant for getting her Gonzaga University students to percolate on a favorite topic until they glean insights into themselves and the world they live in. Example: The class she teaches based upon “The Hunger Games” that provokes discussion about authoritarian regimes, basic human rights and the values of democracy.

Love coffee? Enroll in her first-year seminar class, “POLS 193: Brewing Justice: The Global Coffee Trade.”

But in case you don’t get around to it, here are three questions to ask your next cup of coffee, inspired by a conversation with Taninchev at Arctos Coffee and Roasting Co., just down the street from the GU campus.

Question 1: Where are you from?

One of the assignments in the “Brewing Justice” class is a coffee shop interview. Students head to Spokane-area shops with inquiries exploring the origins of the coffee served at each establishment.

Some baristas are clueless, while an increasing number can trace every step a bean took since departing its original home growing region — some even able to name the farm it was grown on.

Taninchev then teaches her students to research and ask questions about the place this coffee originated from, such as:

  • Was it grown in an area where farming practices are leading to deforestation? Shade-grown coffee plants typically produce a greater yield, but the greater density and conveniences created when canopies of trees are cleared out of the way makes sun-drenched planting a common practice in once-forested regions of the world.
  • What about the wildlife that call these farms home? The Smithsonian’s National Zoo & Conservation Biology Institute actually runs a “Bird Friendly” certification process for coffee growers. Sun-drenched coffee farms that have been carved clean from forests remain hospitable to 61 bird species in Peru, according to Smithsonian researchers. By comparison, “partial shade” farms support 79 species. Natural, shade-grown farms, with layers of canopies reaching as high as 35 meters? A whopping 243 species of birds can be supported there.  
  • What about the coffee region’s political environment? Many of the best coffee-growing regions in the world are formerly colonized countries that have faced a long series of challenges. Taninchev encourages her students to learn about these places. What is the history of coffee growing in the country? Was there oppression of indigenous peoples or other coffee growers/laborers? How have government regulations affected them? How has the global trade regime affected them?

“We start with the cup of coffee we drink, but my goal as an international relations and political science professor is to get these students to understand … the interconnections between us and the rest of the world and how we affect each other,” Taninchev said.

Question 2: Who brought you here?

If your coffee could tell you about the human hands it has passed through, the stories may read like a novel. Indeed, Taninchev’s students do read a novel. “The Taste of Many Mountains” was written by economics professor Bruce Wydick in part to illustrate the human impact of coffee’s journey from peasant Guatemalan growers to a U.S. cup.

“I do want them to think about the farmer behind the cup when they think about whether they want to pay 25 cents more for a cup of coffee at a place that has organic Fair Trade coffee,” Taninchev said. “But what’s more important than paying more for the coffee and understanding certifications is helping people. … It’s to empathize with people in other places and to understand their history and political system and how it affects people’s everyday lives.”

She referenced a June 2019 Washington Post article detailing the plight of Guatemalan coffee farmers who are abandoning their farms to migrate to the United States. Why? External factors have pushed the price of coffee down sharply the past two years, leaving Guatemalan farmers unable to cover costs — even fair-trade and premium growers who are guaranteed a minimum price per pound are nowhere close to breaking even.

Taninchev teaches her students to ask questions about the real human beings behind the coffee we drink. Is there a way to help them receive better education? Are the leaders of coffee-originating countries as well as coffee-consuming countries treating the farmers humanely? Should “economic migrants” fleeing poverty and starvation be treated differently from refugees fleeing persecution and violence?

“The most important thing is I want people to understand and empathize with people in other countries,” Taninchev said.

The most important thing is I want people to understand and empathize with people in other countries.

Gonzaga Professor Stacy Taninchev

Question 3: How are you going to make me a better human?

Taninchev is often asked about the best certification to look for “to get the most money back to the growers.”

Before addressing the question of certifications, she emphasizes that helping those growers receive an education is more important than giving them a slightly higher price for their coffee.

“The certifications bring them a little more income, but access to education will bring them opportunities to get out of coffee growing and pursue other careers as well as the ability to hold their government responsible for injustices,” she said. “Knowledge is power.”

That said, she encourages U.S. consumers to learn about endorsements such as Fair Trade, Rainforest Alliance, Bird Friendly or certified organic. Single origin relationships are becoming more common in specialty coffee shops, a trend Taninchev added could be ideal if third-party oversights are also involved to keep one or both of the parties in these direct trade relationships from “saying whatever they want.”

“For me, being a responsible consumer is one part of the equation,” Taninchev explained, “but it’s much more important to understand your connection in the global order, how not only your consumption patterns but also your political choices affect other people and affect us.”

Through her “Brewing Justice” class, Taninchev and her students have the unique opportunity to study this connection firsthand. In 2017, she traveled to Colombia to study the coffee industry.

But education is available closer to home, indeed as close as your favorite cup of coffee. Sit down with it, breathe deeply of that invigorating aroma — and ask your coffee some questions.

Stacy Taninchev, Ph.D, is associate professor and chair of the political science department at Gonzaga University. She lives in Liberty Lake with her husband, Bobby, an executive chef who specializes in Mediterranean-inspired food. The Taninchevs own Bobby’s Café & Catering and previously owned Twisp Café & Coffee House, both based in Liberty Lake.

Coffee Notes

Arctos Coffee and Roasting Co. is one of my go-to coffee spots in Spokane, and so I suggested it to Stacy for this interview given its proximity to Gonzaga. I tried the maple and oat milk-infused Logan Latte (pictured above). Yes, please. Stacy said she has enjoyed Arctos lattes, but on this day she sipped on the brewed coffee made from beans roasted in-house.

  • I first met Stacy and her husband, Bobby, when they owned Twisp Cafe & Coffee House in Liberty Lake, and I’ve been fans ever since. Stacy, thanks for allowing me to “sample” your coffee class and share your insights!
    — Josh Johnson (soccer jersey: Uganda national team)

While you’re here, would you do me a favor?

If you enjoy articles like this one, join the CoffeeJosh mailing list. It’s hurry-free, spam-free and also free … free. As a thanks, I’ll send you a PDF — you guessed it, free — that has 10 of the best coffee shop orders in the Spokane area. (All 10 are drinks and treats local coffee shop owners make for themselves. In this case, expect to pay for your order and feel like it was totally worth it.)

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