Love yourself first

March 19, 2020
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Guest post by Kylie Johnson

“Before I love someone else, I’ve got to love myself.” Recognize that line from the song “Save Myself” by Ed Sheeran? Or maybe you have heard “Lose You To Love Me” by Selena Gomez? Those two songs talk about loving yourself before you get into a romantic relationship.

But how do I love myself, and why is it important to love yourself before going into a relationship? Like a lot of teens, I have questions on this topic, so I decided to invite my crazily artistic, fun-loving and beautiful aunt to coffee to talk about it.

Hannah Johnson has an undergraduate degree in psychology and was recently accepted into Gonzaga to pursue a masters in school counseling and become a licensed professional counselor. We decided to go to The Garden Coffee and Local Eats, and she brought along her 5-year-old son, Oakley, who was kind enough to take our picture for this story. The coffee was so good! I was trying hard to focus on the subject at hand, but my mind would go back to my delicious blended mocha.

Hannah wisely approached this subject with a definition.

”I think it’s important to define self love as valuing yourself as a whole and having confidence in who you are; it’s important to recognize that it’s different from simply comparing yourself to others or being self-focused,” she said. “Some people think it’s narcissistic, but it’s really just having a value of yourself and where you’re at. Self love is just a healthy view of yourself; it’s healthy for everybody.” 

  • Hannah Johnson and Kylie Johnson enjoy chilly beverages and meaningful conversation at The Garden Coffee and Local Eats (prior to recent COVID-19 restrictions). Photo credit: Oakley Johnson, 5-year-old master photographer

How could I build my self love? Like a lot of people, I can be pretty hard on myself, and I could work on building my self-compassion. Hannah gave multiple great points, such as following positive accounts on Instagram, doing fun leisure activities and building social connections. 

“Your peers can influence you even more than a trusted adult, parent or guardian,” she said. “If your peers are not boosting your self-esteem, then you need to notice that and maybe put some distance there.” 

What does self love look like when you’re ready to go into a romantic relationship? Hannah listed three areas to get right first. The first one is self kindness; don’t criticize yourself for your flaws. Then you need to realize your common humanity, which is that everyone makes mistakes and acknowledging the weaknesses you have makes you human. The final step is mindfulness, which is to be aware of negative self talk. All of us can grow in an area or two, but that’s no reason to beat yourself up about it.

Wait … if you don’t love yourself and you dive into a romantic relationship, is that really a bad thing? How would it affect the relationship? Would it affect the relationship? 

”It can totally affect your relationship because if you don’t recognize your own self worth then you can begin to expect others to fill that hole,” she said. “You also won’t be able to protect yourself and stand up for yourself in tough situations.” 

“Some people think it’s narcissistic, but it’s really just having a value of yourself and where you’re at. Self love is just a healthy view of yourself; it’s healthy for everybody.” 

Hannah Johnson

Hannah also said that if your self love is at an unhealthy spot it will negatively affect both sides of the relationship. One person will need to take more than they can give, which is exhausting for both people.

That makes sense, but what should I do if I’m in a relationship when one person does not have a healthy amount of self love? Hannah suggested that in these seasons, the healthier partner needs to have sensitivity and awareness and help the other person practice self love. Self love isn’t going to be natural for everybody. If it’s at a really unhealthy point, then you may need to break it off and give them time to focus on themselves. If they are hurting themselves, then it will be harder but still be the right thing to do.

”In the end, everyone is responsible for their own actions,” Hannah said. 

If you need to work on self love and you’re in a romantic relationship, you need to realize that it’s not selfish to take time to yourself and break it off, if that’s what you feel like you need to do. You should know that it’s not the other person’s responsibility to carry your negative self talk burden and that you can’t rely on them to feel good. In either situation, it’s never bad to go and talk to a counselor or someone you trust so they can give you input.

Hannah and I sure had some deep conversations about this topic while little Oakley played on his tablet and my phone. Our drinks were amazing, and I absolutely loved the vibe and atmosphere of The Garden. It was a great place to just share a treat with a loved one and talk. I learned so much more about this topic because of Hannah and give her much thanks. I’m glad I could show myself a little love with the blended mocha and whether it’s with a coffee or just giving myself grace, I think I’m going to start treating myself more often.

Guest contributor Kylie Johnson is a freshman at Mica Peak High School in Spokane Valley. She drinks blended mochas, eats ice cream by the pint and plans to marry Five Seconds of Summer drummer Ashton Irwin. Until they get the chance to actually meet, she is focusing on self-compassion.

While you’re here, would you do me a favor?

If you enjoy articles like this one, join the CoffeeJosh mailing list. It’s hurry-free, spam-free and also free … free. As a thanks, I’ll send you a PDF — you guessed it, free — that has 10 of the best coffee shop orders in the Spokane area. (All 10 are drinks and treats local coffee shop owners make for themselves. In this case, expect to pay for your order and feel like it was totally worth it.)

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Katherine’s Final Four of Gonzaga life lessons

March 5, 2020
2

A gust of palpably positive energy sweeps into Indaba, swirling into the espresso air to create something of a blissfully caffeinated breeze.

Most eyes look up. As the door closes, there stands a woman clad in stylish jacket, hat and scarf, confidently beaming at everyone in the room like a Spokane Mary Poppins. As she makes her way to the counter, she greets half of the patrons by name before ordering a spicy chai tea. The barista straightens, seemingly inspired to give this his best 8 ounces of the day, and now she is introducing me to the guy working at the backbar who is “just the best.”

In preparing for this interview, I reminded myself of this happy whirlwind that is Katherine Morgan. I was on the Spokane Valley Chamber of Commerce selection committee that hired her to become its president and CEO in 2014, and I witnessed firsthand the force of enthusiastic will that helped that organization thrive during her tenure. For the past two years, she has served as senior vice president and Spokane/Boise market manager with Bank of America.

But on this day, I’m here because it’s Zag-uary, those months when Spokane exorcizes its gray days with basketball nights, and I know of no bigger Gonzaga fan than Katherine. She received a business administration degree from GU in 2006 and was Outstanding MBA Student of the Year while earning her graduate degree in 2014. She was a Kennel Club member then and is an occasional adjunct marketing professor now. She leaves space in her schedule each March for every possible Gonzaga tournament variable.

With Katherine, there is purpose behind everything. She is no frivolous fangirl, and I ask her for a glimpse at the deeper reasons behind her passion for all things Zag.

  • Katherine Morgan at Indaba’s downtown shop on Riverside

In typical fashion, she responds with a “Final Four” — a quartet of the best life lessons she carries with her as a proud Bulldog.

No. 1: “Have faith”

For Katherine, the link between faith and Gonzaga goes beyond a Jesuit tradition but lies in the values and purposes that make up one’s identity – truly a faith or belief in one’s self.

A huge fan of men’s basketball coach Mark Few, she pointed to his halftime talk on Feb. 20, when Gonzaga scored a paltry 22 first-half points against San Francisco.

“What did Coach Few say in the locker room?” Katherine recalled. “That’s an opportunity he could have just ripped into them. But instead he kept it simple, and he said, ‘Be us. Be us.’ That really caught me off guard because he articulated in two words one of the most important lessons in my own life. Those moments we begin to compromise or take our eye off of who we are or try to be someone we’re not is the times we will never win.”

Gonzaga scored 49 second-half points and won by 17 — which is great, but how is Katherine able to locate and flip that “be us” switch in her everyday life?

“I have never been able to do it on my own,” Katherine said. “I have had a handful — a very, very close circle — of people that stood alongside me in those dark moments, that would take the call, that would remind me who I am. … In my own way, I feel that close circle is my own little Zag Nation. I’m sure the parallels are there for everyone. I think we all have our, quote, fan club who is going to be real for us and help us get out of those moments, help remind us who we are.”

  • Katherine Morgan at a recent GU game in Spokane

No. 2: “Put in the work”

With 21 consecutive NCAA Tournament appearances and five consecutive Sweet 16s (the longest active streak in the country), Gonzaga has become a model of consistency. Katherine said what’s often overlooked is the work required for such lofty achievements.

“It’s a reminder for me, for those days when I’m in the arena, did I do the work?” she said. “Have I remained disciplined, because it’s going to show if I did or if I didn’t. Gonzaga has shown day in, day out, season after season, that they show up and they get it done every single time because they do the work, unwaveringly, every single day.”

The tough part, of course, is in actually pulling this level of execution off on those days it’s the last thing you want to do.

“Put your shoes on and take that first step whether you want to or not,” she coaches. “I go back to my ‘why.’ What am I trying to achieve here? Why did I accept this role? What’s the greater purpose this team is trying to accomplish? And lace up, get outside and start walking. And eventually, I’ll start to run.”

Oh, and don’t forget about your people.

“In those times I’m vulnerable, I go back to my tribe,” she said. “(When I) come alongside others, eventually that motivation comes, and then I’m unstoppable.”

  • Attending the 2017 Final Four in Phoenix

No. 3: “Know who you are”

Katherine admires the way Coach Few builds self-awareness in his players and helps them see how their individual role fits into the greater team.  

“Every team is different, and every individual on those teams brings forth different gifts, different purpose, different drive and desire,” she said. “If you really take the time to acknowledge that and understand that and listen, it’s amazing the magic that happens.”

She said early in her career, it was tempting to make the mistake that to interview for a job meant to pretend like “I had it all figured out,” as if she could expect to expertly guard the 3-point shooter and block out the big man on the paint in the same play.

“I quickly learned, and how very Shakespeare: ‘All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players,’” said Katherine, quoting “As You Like It.” “I was happier when I was brought onto teams when they knew exactly who I was and where my abilities were.”

“Every team is different, and every individual on those teams brings forth different gifts, different purpose, different drive and desire. If you really take the time to acknowledge that and understand that and listen, it’s amazing the magic that happens.”

Katherine Morgan

So, for instance, when she interviewed at Bank of America she didn’t pretend to have financial industry expertise and experience. With the Chamber, she didn’t gloss over her then lack of executive experience.

“(It was about) really just owning where I’m at: This is what I’m wanting to do and what I’m willing to do if I’m supposed to be the next person to fill the role,” she said. “And that taught me that it was OK to be myself and be comfortable in my skin.”

No. 4: “Never give up”

Last March, Gonzaga bowed out of the Elite Eight to Texas Tech. In that final game of the season, only 3 of Gonzaga’s 69 points were scored by players who are back fighting for another deep run in 2020.

Katherine finds this type of personnel turnover from year to year a testament to the power of resiliency.

“I know we’ve all faced those seasons where we’ve tried and tried again and gotten so close to, as some might say, capturing the gold ring,” she said. “It can certainly be discouraging, sometimes causing yourself to question why you are even trying and if it’s worth it again.”

She said she has taken inspiration in her own professional career from the way Gonzaga recommits to excellence after each season.

“I’ve been in roles I have loved and been so honored to serve in, (a part of) teams that were magical,” she said. “To hope to make that transition to the next chapter for all the right reasons can be very difficult and emotional and discouraging.”

And then she remembers that Coach Few got up the morning after losing the 2017 National Championship game and started working on reaching even greater heights the next season.

“You’re going to try and try again, because that’s your why, that’s your purpose — it’s who you are,” Katherine said. “That’s what Bulldogs do. When the world zigs, we Zag.”

Coffee Notes

Katherine and I met for this conversation at Indaba Coffee‘s Riverside location in downtown Spokane, one of Katherine’s go-to spots within walking distance of her Bank of America office. Indaba’s “Love People, Love Coffee” motto is a great match for Katherine’s longtime investment and interaction in the greater Spokane community.

  • Thanks for sharing time over coffee and your always upbeat insight, Katherine. You serve the world around you — and represent GU — with class.
    — Josh Johnson (soccer jersey: Orlando City SC)

While you’re here, would you do me a favor?

If you enjoy articles like this one, join the CoffeeJosh mailing list. It’s hurry-free, spam-free and also free … free. As a thanks, I’ll send you a PDF — you guessed it, free — that has 10 of the best coffee shop orders in the Spokane area. (All 10 are drinks and treats local coffee shop owners make for themselves. In this case, expect to pay for your order and feel like it was totally worth it.)

5 spectacular hikes that may be closer than your gym

February 6, 2020
1

Rob Fischer has hiked throughout the West, from the Grand Canyon to the Chugach Mountains of Alaska. But the Spokane Valley resident hikes three to five times a week year-round, so his go-to trailheads are about as close as the nearest health club.

“I love being outdoors,” Rob said. “I’ve never been a gym person. I’d rather endure the elements any day, so I can go rain or shine.”

Here are five of Rob’s recommendations from his rotation, all located within the greater Spokane Valley.

  • Looking south over the Palouse from the Rocks of Sharon on the Iller Creek hike

1. Iller Creek

Rob says: “Iller Creek is one of my favorite places right now. The reason is there is such a huge network of trails there. I typically hike either a 4-mile loop or a 5-mile loop, and they both have different challenges. The 4-mile loop is actually steeper and has higher elevation gain than the 5-mile one, and the 5-mile one I can stretch to 6 if I want to.”

Among the highlights, Rob says the Iller Creek hiker is rewarded with a spectacular view of the Palouse on the 5-mile hike at the Rocks of Sharon (also known as Big Rocks). The hike also offers great signage, occasional wildlife sightings and the option for a beautiful out-and-back walk along the creek for less ambitious hikers.

Iller Creek is part of the Dishman Hills Conservation Area. The trailhead is in southwest Spokane Valley (Ponderosa area) at the end of Holman Road. The Rocks of Sharon can also be accessed from the south via the Stevens Creek Trailhead on the Palouse side.

  • Iller Creek, May 2019
  • Porcupine spotted at Iller Creek, Summer 2019

2. Liberty Lake Loop Trail

Rob says: “There’s several neat features on that trail. It starts out low along the creek and follows it upward and pretty soon you come to a stand of cedars. The hike up to the cedars is not difficult, and a lot of people choose to turn around there and just go back the same way. If you keep going, you get on some switchbacks, the trail narrows, and you begin to get some views, at one point looking back at Liberty Lake.”

Hikers who take on the full 8.4-mile loop are rewarded with a waterfall in the spring, trails veering off toward Mica Peak and other destinations for experienced hikers, as well as a Boy Scout shelter, Rob says.

The trailhead is accessed from Liberty Lake Regional Park on the southeast side of Liberty Lake.

3. Dishman Hills Natural Area

Rob says: “Definitely more for someone who is not an aggressive hiker would be the Dishman Hills. … The trails are not well marked, but it’s fairly contained. … My wife asked once, ‘Are we lost?’ And I said, ‘We’re not lost. I just don’t know where I am.’ And we always get out. … Dishman Hills is quite extensive, and there are some pretty hikes in there.”

Reviewers of Dishman Hills Natural Area (which, along with Iller Creek, is part of the broader Dishman Hills Conservation Area) tend to like the family friendliness and accessibility of the 530-acre natural area.

The trailhead is probably the easiest to find in the area, located on high-traffic Appleway Avenue just west of Argonne.

My wife asked once, ‘Are we lost?’ And I said, ‘We’re not lost. I just don’t know where I am.’

Rob Fischer

4. Saltese Uplands

Rob says: “You’ve got your choice of some good elevation gain on this hike or none at all. … It’s not a good hike in the heat of summer because you’re so exposed, and if there is any wind, it’s going to be windy on that hike, but the advantage of that place is that because it’s so exposed, the trails dry out faster.”

Because of this, Rob trends toward early spring hikes on Saltese Uplands, when many other trails – “especially Iller Creek” – can be incredibly muddy. In all, 7 miles of trails cross the property, including a 3.6-mile loop known for wildflowers and views of the Saltese Valley and Liberty Lake.

The well-marked trailhead is accessed from Henry Road southeast of Greenacres.

  • Mushrooms breaking through on Antoine Peak
  • Bear tracks on Antoine Peak
  • Antoine Peak looking east

5. Antoine Peak

Rob says: “On Antoine Peak you have a lot of choices. There’s a nice 5-mile loop that I would usually take, and you can extend it to 6 miles by adding a side trail to it. But there’s also a very moderate 3-mile loop that’s fun that my wife likes to go on with me as well.”

Part of the choices provided by this 1,066-acre conservation area is where to launch out from, as two trailhead choices are offered, one approaching Antoine Peak from the west; the other from the east. Rob prefers the eastern launching point. He has seen moose as well as a rare elk sighting while hiking through this area.

Rob’s preferred trailhead can be accessed from Otis Orchards by heading north on Campbell from Trent and turning left on Lincoln.

Two Bonus Hikes!

Have time and ambition for more challenging hikes outside of Spokane Valley? Rob has two recommendations for you: Mount Spokane State Park (especially the Mount Kit Carson Trail) and the Scotchman Peak Trail, about a 2-hour drive away near Clark Fork, Idaho.

  • Mountain goat on Scotchman Peak
  • Wild Ginger on Mount Spokane

Rob’s hiking tips

An author of more than 20 books, Rob even wrote a memoir of his childhood adventures — mostly set outdoors in Minnesota — called “Becoming Tarzan.”

Interestingly, Rob, who turns 68 in 2020, has always loved life outdoors, but didn’t become an avid hiker until a repetitive motion injury forced him to hang up his running shoes after 30 years.

Looking for an outdoor workout, he took up hiking and never looked back. Thinking of giving hiking a shot yourself, or simply want to improve your hiking experience? Here are four tips to make the most of the experience.

Invest in good equipment: If you are going to make hiking a year-round lifestyle, the equipment is worth the investment, Rob says. Outdoor clothing, good boots with ICEtrekkers (like tire chains for your boots to use in slippery conditions) and trekking poles are all parts of Rob’s ensemble. He said the poles are more for an improved workout than for balance. “It really pays to get good equipment,” he says.

Bring a friend: While Rob normally hikes alone, some of his best memories are spent “rousing another guy” on a weekend, whether it’s to invest in a young person or challenge a “Comrade in Arms,” which is the title of a book Rob wrote about friendship and accountability among Christian men. “The reason I love to disciple men out on the trail like that is they feel the freedom to be transparent out there,” he says. A hike is a majestic setting for conversation, escaping surface issues and opening a gateway toward meaningful interaction.

Fearful? Go when there’s a crowd: In all of the places he has hiked, Rob has had his share of wildlife encounters, including the time in Alaska when he made for a tree to avoid a testy moose. “But that’s so rare, and I’ve never felt endangered by a moose around here,” he says. He does take precautions — carrying water, his pocket knife and bear spray on every hike — but the best option for people who want to hike but feel fearful is to explore the nearby trails “when you know other people will be there. A Saturday mid-morning, all of those trails are going to be well used, almost under any conditions. During the week, probably in the afternoon you’re going to run into other people.”

Take out the ear buds: “I love music,” Rob says, “but I don’t need to listen while I’m out there.” Not only does he prefer to stay keenly aware of his surroundings, listening for other hikers and wildlife, but he believes hiking isn’t just a visually stunning experience (the wildflowers, the animals, the scenery), but it’s best experienced by all of his senses. One autumn Alaskan hike in particular stands out: brilliant colors, “the air permeated by the sweet scent of berries, and … it was almost like you could hear the fog, but I think what was happening was fog has the ability to deaden sounds, and I think what I was hearing was the deadening of all sound. It was just an exhilarating experience.”

  • Rob Fischer on the summit of Mount Adams

Rob Fischer has been married to Linda Fischer for more than 45 years and has three married children and 10 grandchildren. An author, publisher and writing coach, follow his work at fischerpublishing.net and check out his blog at skillsforfollowingjesus.com. All photos courtesy of Rob Fischer.

Coffee Notes

For this conversation, Rob chose the meeting point, and since I was adamant about staying indoors at a coffee shop, Forza Coffee Company, 325 S. Sullivan Road in Spokane Valley, was the next best thing. Why? The firepit, which coupled with an oat milk latte to keep me warm during Rob’s stories of icy hikes.

  • Rob, I look up to you as a writer, and more importantly as a man I truly admire. Thanks for sharing your hiking wisdom for this project and inspiring me to explore the Inland Northwest’s backyard.
    — Josh Johnson (soccer jersey: Uganda National Team)

While you’re here, would you do me a favor?

If you enjoy articles like this one, join the CoffeeJosh mailing list. It’s hurry-free, spam-free and also free … free. As a thanks, I’ll send you a PDF — you guessed it, free — that has 10 of the best coffee shop orders in the Spokane area. (All 10 are drinks and treats local coffee shop owners make for themselves. In this case, expect to pay for your order and feel like it was totally worth it.)

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